I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
