I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
