you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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