Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
