She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
