i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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