So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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