btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
