the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
