Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize