last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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