he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
