upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize