I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
