dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
