i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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