he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
