Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
