I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
