i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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