Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
