remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
