i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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