how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
