the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
