Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
