I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
