she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize