I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
