Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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