he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
