It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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