I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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