The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
