everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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