Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
