He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
