yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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