before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
