This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
