So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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