Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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