Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
