my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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