Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
