Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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