If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize