So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
