I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
