and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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