Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
