I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
