covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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