I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
