there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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