I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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