Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
