I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
