the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
