He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
