My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
