piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
