you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My penis needs a shock collar
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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