i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize