So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
