dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
