Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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