You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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