Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
