Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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