I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i came on her dog
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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