my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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