He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
