i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
