Umm I'm too high to move.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
