i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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