dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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