the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
