apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
