Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
