I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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