YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
