I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
