I am in a vortex of obligation.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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