Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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