People in love make me want to vomit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
