You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just pynch a tree in the face
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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