Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize