this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
