Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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