I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
