peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
