Got a toothbrush?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
