how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how does that bad decision feel?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
