i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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