Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
