Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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