someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i black out too much to be "responsible"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
