matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
