so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
