May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Come on in and take your pants off
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