I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
