So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
