He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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