what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
