You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize