Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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